Repeatedly, I read that almost all IFB survivors have real trouble making decisions as a result of the abuses and warped sub-culture in which we were raised / "trained." Cases of spanking up into 18… and even 24 have been noted. That is physical abuse and domestic assault, not child-rearing. 250 swats and bruising/bleeding welts or blisters is sheer cruelty. Spanking—when the "go-to" method of "discipline"—is medically KNOWN to inhibit the recipient's ability to develop grey matter in the brain, let alone make decisions for himself/herself in adult years, because it is essentially a form of torture that bends the human will and conditions it co-dependently to that of another human. Susceptibility to addiction / depression as well as increased "hostile attribution bias" are documented in connection to modes of spanking.
First, recognize and know that this is a real psychological if not physiological complex / syndrome of issues, which even Christian psychologists have long studied and affirmed. Also know that the Bible does NOT advocate modern-day spanking, contrary to the misinterpretation and misinformed beliefs of many. So, do NOT feel alone or incapable. Instead, acknowledge this as a result of your abuse… and then begin to cope.
Here are some studies that reveal the causes and nature of the condition. Hopefully they will help you cope, because you'll be able to name it and work against it.