On January 19, 2016, we found out that Kristi is at most a couple of weeks pregnant.
To those who might say, “oh, they just found out they are pregnant. They shouldn’t say they are pregnant until after the 1st trimester. What if they miscarry?” I can only reply by saying,
“Read the below story. You’ll see that our being pregnant has a ‘God story’ to it… and if it is God’s reputation that has allowed us to become pregnant, then God’s reputation won’t be tarnished by a potential miscarriage. Besides, we’ve come to trust him no matter what regarding this matter of babies. Of course, we will do our part to protect and nurture what we’ve been entrusted; but, whatever HE decides will find us content. That is the point of the story below.”
FOR 5 FULL YEARS,
…we were tempted by nearly everything you can imagine.
We’ve known all of the inner, negative and accusatory thoughts… “There is something wrong with me. Is something wrong with him/her? There is something wrong with us; are we incompatible? Has God cursed us to be childless?”
For 5 full years, we were goaded by all of the presumptions and “should’s & should not’s”—spoken and unspoken—of family, friends and fellow Christians.
Sometimes we wondered why it was so difficult for us compared to those who seem to become effortlessly pregnant, or even those who do not want the unborn child they’ve been given… or yet, those who choose to prevent pregnancy from ever happening. Had we done something wrong?
Oh sure, we contemplated all of the contemporary methods of medical fertility, but we personally never felt comfortable playing God. How ever much our faith had to grow over these past 5 years, we were always certain that God was our God, and that, His Word tells us that HE is the one who “opens the womb” and that “children are an inheritance handed down from God” to a man & wife for them to nurture and raise up in ways glorifying to God. We both decided that methods of fertilization would always leave us with a lack of confidence that God had given us a child/children in HIS time and in line with His grand plan for our part in HIS universe.
By the way, the fact that we are now pregnant does not mean “our faith” is somehow the thing to be praised, but rather, God is the one who gives… and only through trusting Him completely can we be confident that what we receive is from Him. “The justified (in Christ) shall live by faith.” Sometimes God needs to teach us lessons of patient trust in Him. That is what life is about.
The only peace we got these past 5 years was proportionate to our trust in God as the all-wise, all-powerful LORD of our life together. As our view of God got bigger, our trust in Him became more sure; and our peace multiplied in that grace. We became certain that our lives were on His plan… down to the timing of children, or no children at all. We both came to certainty that his plan was absolutely best, even if that meant no children! We became able to praise God with contentment for our life as it was. This is a lesson that not only married couples should learn about children, but it is a lesson that singles must learn about singleness. It is not about you. It is about God and His path for you.
Don’t get me wrong, though. We did not become passive in the matter of asking God for a child. It is a natural desire for a married couple to have children, just as it is a natural desire for a man and woman to become one in holy marriage. If the desire is not there, then that is God’s gift to you. But, if the desire is there, then take it as a sign that God means to fulfill that desire in His time and way. [As an aside, for many, one of God’s ways is adoption. Even now that we are pregnant, we still hope to adopt one day because we see the love of God best displayed in adoption.]
At a certain point, and above all, we decided that we would not listen to any voice but God’s, not even our own.
“No, there is nothing wrong with us, together or separately. God is well able to work miracles.”
“No, we’re not going to cause ourselves stress and worry by trying to make sex an empty duty of punctual attempts at pro-creation, according to ovulation and temperature and extreme dietary course.”
“NO — Who cares if family, friends or fellow-Christians are imposing their opinions on our faith, timing, intimacy, etc. What does God say?!”
ABOUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR
At the 3 year mark for us (Dec. 2013), I began to seek the Lord earnestly about what HE was saying regarding our having children. I am the spiritual leader in my home. It was up to me more than any to seek the LORD on this… so that I might obtain blessing for myself and my wife, and bless my wife with truth and words from our God.
At just beyond the 4 year mark (Dec. 2015), my seeking grew more intent. Because I had been dealing (for 4 years) with a set of small but painful cysts above my left testicle, I wanted to seek the Lord for healing and for children. I prayed much and sought books like, “Divine Healing” by R. A. Torrey. I asked God to teach me about his healing power. I had believed for healing for others’ cases in times past, but this was different… this was me, and sometimes selfishness and doubt and sin get in the way.
On January 7th, 2015 I met Candy Gunther Brown [fellow Christian & Religious Studies professor at I.U.] and Dr. Joshua Brown in Bloomington, IN.
In brief, Josh [fellow Christian, brain neurologist and professor at I.U.] had been miraculously healed of an inoperable brain tumor as—again—a result of divine healing in the face of great spiritual warfare. Besides sharing their uplifting story, Josh and Candy also put me onto a book called, “Needless Casualties of War.” These two beloved friends have walked a long and faith-strengthening path, and they quickly became good friends to Kristi and me.
On January 14th, 2015 I attended a scheduled a prayer meeting with the Healing Rooms of Bloomington, where Josh and Candy work to pray for and then document confirmed cases of divine healing to the glory of God.
The following is what I entered in my journal entry for that evening:
“Prayer with Candy Brown (and others) at Genesis church for healing. Gen 18:10… prayed about children, among many other blessings.”
That night, I also shared with Kristi what I had prayed about with the brothers and sisters at the Healing Rooms.
On January 15, 2015 my journal reads,
“Email sent to Candy Brown
Candy and friends,
One of the prayers last night centered around “a child in a year’s time” as was promised to Abraham.
This morning, our family Bible reading (in a chronological Bible) was Genesis 18&19. When I read the same passage [Genesis 18:10] about which we prayed last night, I knew it was a promise from the Lord beyond coincidence. May the Lord be exalted, as Kristi and I believe Him for this.”
Now, Candy’s response to this email was understandably careful. She essentially stated that she did not specifically receive a word from the Lord to pronounce that Kristi and I would have a child in a year’s time; but that, in the tenor of prayer we were having, it was a passage that she felt drawn to mention.
BUT, as I said, due to the Holy Spirit using the Word to work faith in my heart through illumination, I knew it was beyond coincidence. It was like God saying, “This is for you.” Kristi and I calculated 9 months backward from January 2016 into 2015. We expected to be pregnant by the end of April, 2015 so that we would deliver by about January 2016…thus fulfilling the word of the Lord to us. We did not change any schedule or routine. We simply lived life and loved spontaneously.
The truth is, the months passed and we still were not pregnant. Yes, we were a bit discouraged, not knowing how to meet the expectation of our faith with the reality we were experiencing. Nevertheless, we told God we love Him and trust Him, and that we were willing to say that our selfishness had led us to “force” his Word into what we had been hearing.
We continued living life and loving spontaneously. And, as I state above, we both came to certainty that his plan was absolutely best, even if that meant no children! We became able to praise God with contentment for our life as it was.
Then, January 19, 2016 rolled around—“about a year’s time” from last January 15—and Kristi said, “I’m kinda late, ya know.” She tested, and the results for us are nothing short of a miracle.
How closely do you believe God wishes you to walk with Him? Do you believe he will work miracles for you in your faith and life as he did the patriarchs’ lives? More than working miracles for you, do you value God’s desire to shape and mould your soul by life’s lessons of patient trust in Him—to give Him as much unconditional trust as He gives you unconditional love?
Do you believe your life has its integral part to play in God’s plan for the universe? Wouldn’t that mean you are on his time and plan? Is He still the same today as he was yesterday and forever past? The answer is, of course, yes. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek HIM!